Nine months since I've seen you last. It is truly hard to believe. I was standing at Trevor's crib looking at a picture we have of him, his beautiful face, little nose, blue eyes, red lips, so innocent - he was perfect. What a horrific experience. To imagine that beautiful little baby boy dying in his crib is unbearable. I try not to go down this path to often but fortunately, mentally and physically, I am only able to deal with this dark place in very brief moments, it actually causes me to physically shudder.
Miss you every day T
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Childrens Garden
On the grounds of the local catholic church, St Thomas Aquinas, a family that lost their child established a beautiful little garden for deceased children. Friends of ours (thank you) purchased a plaque in Trevor's name that has been placed on a wall in the garden. We do not have a grave site to go and visit. When ever we want to spend time with Trevor we go into his room. The garden is a beautiful place, quiet, fountains, safe. It is a nice place to go and spend time with T.
Subconscious
A couple of weekends ago, it was actually a Sunday, something interesting happened. Things were going along smoothly for the better part of the day until about late afternoon. I suddenly was overcome with sadness. I was standing out in the back yard, doing nothing in particular. I new it was Trevor. I came inside, went into his room, stood at his crib and squeezed the little box that contains his ashes tighter than I ever had - "hey little guy"
I walked back into the living room, Tracy asked if I was ok, I am just sad I said. Sunday passed. On Monday morning I received a text from my sister, "thinking of you guys yesterday". I realized it was the 23rd, Trevor had died 8 months prior. The amazing thing was that I had "forgotten", we were busy living, healing. I guess my subconscious had not forgotten. So its is true, life does go on, but you never forget.
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