I still go into his room every morning and every night. "Hey T, we miss you T , mommy and daddy love you very much, sleep well baby boy" - my conversations. We haven't changed anything in the room. Everything is exactly as it was. I came home today and walked into his room as soon as I got home. I stood at his crib and wondered what would have happened if I had done that six months ago, instead of going for a jog, having dinner, taking a shower - what would have happened if I had gone straight into his room, would he still be here.
We had great plans for his ashes. A portion would go home to Cape Town, some we would scatter in Dallas, at the lake, the remainder we would keep. Ever since we got them the thought of parting with his ashes seems absurd. We have the ashes in a nice wooden box that sits in his crib. Next to the ashes is a picture of Trevor, one of the pictures taken hours before he died. He was so cool. There is also a bag in the crib that contains the clothes he was wearing when he died. We received his clothes back from the funeral home and even though they are shredded up the middle you cannot imagine how important it is for me to have those clothes. Tracy had dressed him up in his new outfit, it was supposed to be a surprise for me. It still annoys me that we did not get his pants back. Somehow they did not make it from the ambulance to the hospital. It seems crazy to be upset about his pants, but those were my boys pants.
When Trevor first died every Tuesday night was especially traumatic, every time I went for a jog, every time we sat down at the dinner table - all reminders. His face was so clear in our minds. Although I think of him every day the reminders get further apart. I can no longer picture his face as clearly as I used to, and that hurts more than you can imagine. I have to look at pictures to remember what he looked like and now the pictures are getting hard to believe - hard to believe that he was really here - love you Trevor
Monday, July 23, 2007
Monday, July 9, 2007
Our time with Trevor
March 2006 was when we the grandparents and the family in South Africa got the fantastic news from Paul that he and Tracy were expecting a baby.
As the months passed news of the pregnancy, the scans and the measurements of baby Hamilton’s arms and legs plus other test results were communicated to us and the family. No test gave any cause for alarm and each result was according to the book.
The telephone calls about the baby’s movements and how Paul placed his hand on Tracy’s tummy to feel these movements. The excitement bubbled over.
How uncertain Paul and Tracy were of this little person coming into their lives and all the questions they were considering about their ability to manage a baby. How will we know what to do and the usual things that parents to be ask themselves.
Then Paul telephoned us from his car to say he was on his way home as Tracy had called him to say her water had broken and they would have to go to the hospital. We as grandparents in South Africa were very excited but also very sad that we could not be there for the birth. After a long wait another telephone call was made and this time to advise that on the 12th September 2006 Trevor Howard Hamilton was born. He was a boy and gorgeous and healthy and perfect in every way. Also that Tracy was fine and very happy with her little bundle of joy.
What more could we as a family have asked for and shortly after the birth we proudly advised the other family members in SA and UK. Then the photographs arrived and as we had heard we now saw that Trevor was beautiful to the core.
The pride and expression of love of the new parents was just unbelievable as was reflected in their voices and actions and rightly so.
In October and Paul and Tracy telephoned to invite us to spend time at their home with the new family, we were thrilled and arrived in Dallas on the 8th November 2006. We thank them for a truly wonderful two and a half months at their home and with their family.
At the airport Tracy managed the video camera as Paul introduced their son to his parents, the grandparents. The photographs we had seen had not prepared us for what it would be like to see our grandson for the first time. He was the image of his father, the likeness uncanny and it was striking. Trevor was actually a good mix of mother and father as he had his mother’s soft beautifully shaped mouth and her huge blue eyes. He of course was ecstatic to meet his grandparents from Cape Town.
Our time spent with Trevor was so very special. Waking up in the morning to the sounds of Trevor, Tracy and Paul going about the morning chores and then going to sleep at night knowing that tomorrow we would again hear those same sounds, like music to our ears. He was such a happy and contented baby and a delight to be with.
Our days were filled with Trevor. Feeding, babysitting him and just watching his character grow and grow more beautiful each day. It was such a pleasure to see his facial expressions and to hear his sounds, both of which changed almost daily as he grew.
We are sure you have heard the saying ‘life is short’ well we did not realize just how short Trevor’s life would be and having had the opportunity to hold him and love him even for that short time that we were with him was just so eventful with many memories to savor, thank you Paul & Tracy.
Bath time was wonderful as Paul and Tracy worked together to bathe their son and Trevor just loved the water especially when Tracy let it run over his head and down his face to rinse away the lather.
Every morning normally around 8 was an extra special time between grandson and granddad as they spent time talking about things that they were going to do in the future. Granddad did the talking and Trevor smiled and listened and he listened with such enthusiasm it was just fantastic. Those occasions watched over by grandma are forever cherished and clearly imprinted in our memories.
Being a grandparent is such a joy, without the responsibility.
As long as we live Trevor will always be close to our hearts as he is in our thoughts daily and we love him dearly.
Sleep well Trevor our darling baby angel
Granddad and Grandma in SA
2007 07 08
As the months passed news of the pregnancy, the scans and the measurements of baby Hamilton’s arms and legs plus other test results were communicated to us and the family. No test gave any cause for alarm and each result was according to the book.
The telephone calls about the baby’s movements and how Paul placed his hand on Tracy’s tummy to feel these movements. The excitement bubbled over.
How uncertain Paul and Tracy were of this little person coming into their lives and all the questions they were considering about their ability to manage a baby. How will we know what to do and the usual things that parents to be ask themselves.
Then Paul telephoned us from his car to say he was on his way home as Tracy had called him to say her water had broken and they would have to go to the hospital. We as grandparents in South Africa were very excited but also very sad that we could not be there for the birth. After a long wait another telephone call was made and this time to advise that on the 12th September 2006 Trevor Howard Hamilton was born. He was a boy and gorgeous and healthy and perfect in every way. Also that Tracy was fine and very happy with her little bundle of joy.
What more could we as a family have asked for and shortly after the birth we proudly advised the other family members in SA and UK. Then the photographs arrived and as we had heard we now saw that Trevor was beautiful to the core.
The pride and expression of love of the new parents was just unbelievable as was reflected in their voices and actions and rightly so.
In October and Paul and Tracy telephoned to invite us to spend time at their home with the new family, we were thrilled and arrived in Dallas on the 8th November 2006. We thank them for a truly wonderful two and a half months at their home and with their family.
At the airport Tracy managed the video camera as Paul introduced their son to his parents, the grandparents. The photographs we had seen had not prepared us for what it would be like to see our grandson for the first time. He was the image of his father, the likeness uncanny and it was striking. Trevor was actually a good mix of mother and father as he had his mother’s soft beautifully shaped mouth and her huge blue eyes. He of course was ecstatic to meet his grandparents from Cape Town.
Our time spent with Trevor was so very special. Waking up in the morning to the sounds of Trevor, Tracy and Paul going about the morning chores and then going to sleep at night knowing that tomorrow we would again hear those same sounds, like music to our ears. He was such a happy and contented baby and a delight to be with.
Our days were filled with Trevor. Feeding, babysitting him and just watching his character grow and grow more beautiful each day. It was such a pleasure to see his facial expressions and to hear his sounds, both of which changed almost daily as he grew.
We are sure you have heard the saying ‘life is short’ well we did not realize just how short Trevor’s life would be and having had the opportunity to hold him and love him even for that short time that we were with him was just so eventful with many memories to savor, thank you Paul & Tracy.
Bath time was wonderful as Paul and Tracy worked together to bathe their son and Trevor just loved the water especially when Tracy let it run over his head and down his face to rinse away the lather.
Every morning normally around 8 was an extra special time between grandson and granddad as they spent time talking about things that they were going to do in the future. Granddad did the talking and Trevor smiled and listened and he listened with such enthusiasm it was just fantastic. Those occasions watched over by grandma are forever cherished and clearly imprinted in our memories.
Being a grandparent is such a joy, without the responsibility.
As long as we live Trevor will always be close to our hearts as he is in our thoughts daily and we love him dearly.
Sleep well Trevor our darling baby angel
Granddad and Grandma in SA
2007 07 08
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